Gold Angel

Returned By An Angel
by Connie Jo Rose

From the Seattle IANDS Website

After fighting in “The War to End all Wars”, my father Charles Rose from Danville, Illinois married Evelyn Rose Scott and settled in her hometown of Yakima, Washington. They lived in a small cabin, one of many built by the V.A. for returning troops. When I was born September 29, 1947, my name was to be Joe. Dad’s order got a little scrambled, though, so my given name became Connie Jo Rose.

At the age of 7, I contracted German measles. I became quite ill and the worst part is that I had a very harsh, persistent cough that lasted for days. Both of my parents had to work and my coughing was wearing all of us out. When I was taken to our family doctor, Dr. Patterson, my parents asked for “something to help me to sleep,” and for this he gave them something in suppository form. At home my father gave me one, but when he noticed that my eyes looked really funny, he hid the medication away. Later when my mother got up from a nap I could hear her surprise at how well the medicine was working. She searched around for the suppositories and gave me another one. It was later discovered that the “something to help me to sleep” was opium.

After that I was able to hear and see everything, but I couldn’t move. I couldn’t make a sound. Lying on the couch I watched my mother talking on the telephone. Her face was kind of screwed up as she indulged in the latest neighborhood gossip. Right then our neighbor Mabel Fulks knocked and opened the front door. I watched as she stuck her head in and said, “Oh, I see you’re busy, Evelyn. I’ll come back later.” Somehow I “knew” with absolute certainty that if she left, I was a goner.

Then a voice boomed at me from somewhere “Concentrate your will!!!” Silently I screamed at Mabel “Look at me!” Her eyes turned down at me. Then she gasped and exclaimed “Oh my God!” That was all I needed and I let go of my hold on life. I found out later that my eyes had rolled up into my head and only the whites of my eyes were showing. Mabel’s son-in-law, Monty, happened to be there for lunch. They flagged him down and he rushed me to St. Elizabeth Hospital clear across town. At the hospital I was pronounced dead on arrival. I heard someone say, ”I’m sorry Mrs. Rose. There is nothing more we can do for her. She’s dead.”

What I saw around me was a darkness I have never seen before. It was totally black, like what a black hole might be. Not a shred of light. I was so frightened by what I had heard. Dead? How could they say that? Everything was hurting, even my hair. My chest felt like someone had hit me with a sledge hammer. My fingernails were digging into the palms of my hands hard and it hurt! I tried saying “I’m alive! I’m alive!”, but I was only silently screaming. I was trying so hard that tears were streaming down my cheeks. My body was stiff and aching. I did not want to be dead!

After an unknown length of time I left my body and traveled back to my neighborhood to say my good byes. It was a fast trip. I remember zooming through the night over the roof tops. There I was hovering over the shed and the doghouse, dressed in a nightgown. Some of the neighborhood children who I played with a lot were below and I told them I had to go away. They stared, curiously. Then moments from my childhood flashed before me. I don’t remember the return trip to the hospital.

Blue Angel Next I was on the table fairly close to my body and feeling afraid, when I heard music coming from somewhere. Except this wasn’t music the way I think of music. If it was “music” then I can only describe it as Heavenly. I could hear harps and flutes and there was a melodic stringed instrument that I have yet to know on this earth. The music wrapped itself around me and soothed me.

My Guardian Angel was floating towards me. She was familiar from the picture that hung over my bed. My fears disappeared and I felt very calm. Her wings were much larger and sturdier....functional. I thought, ”Why aren’t her wings flapping?”. Her robes were pastel pinks and iridescent green, moving as though they were being blown by a breeze. All of my pain and anguish faded away. In my child’s mind, I was certain who she was, but I was still noting the differences from my picture. There was no star over her head and she had princess or kimono sleeves that were a rich velvety scarlet hanging to the bottom of her dress. You might say full length, like her wings.

As she came closer, I noticed she was looking right into me. She was beautiful, and familiar and shimmering warmly. Her hands were at her sides and she slowly drew them up to enfold me. Several feet away, she stopped floating. Her hands moved to wrap me up in an invisible but wonderful silky cocoon. My Guardian Angel was speaking to me, but this was more like communing, because her lips were not moving. Looking right into my eyes she said, “You are beautiful, you are perfect and you are SO loved!” She wrapped me up in pure Unconditional Love and let me know I was going with her.

My Angel and I both rose from where we were, and she gave me an image of our destination, a place that I “knew” was The Garden. I could see that it was not just a garden with flowers and trees, but that it was also a place where all of my needs would be taken care of. There were beings there and I felt Unconditional Love come from them to me even though we hadn’t even arrived there yet! It was blissful. I had never felt so enraptured in my entire life. I was going Home! I basked in this glow. No worries or strife. All thoughts of my earthly home that I had earlier wanted to cling to vanished.

white Angel Then I heard my mother’s voice troubled and pleading, ”But, you have to do something!” My Angel held up her right hand and signaled to me to stop. Then she communicated that I had to go back, that I had things to do on earth. I felt dejected, rejected and alone. She said she would be watching over me. I could see my cold, stiff body lying on the bed. I did not want to go near it. But it was as if a cord like a bungee cord yanked me back. I slammed into my body. I can say now, I know why a baby cries at that moment of birth.

A young intern refused to accept that the efforts to revive me were futile. He put an oxygen mask on me, but I reached up and pulled it off because I did not want to be revived! Then I lapsed into a coma in this world that seemed so devoid of warmth. I was in and out of the coma for five days. Sometimes I could hear things around me in the hospital and occasionally I glimpsed my surroundings. They were frightening and grim. I was in intensive care, but I was also isolated because of my German measles and fears of my contagiousness. My new home was a large glass cubicle, with an oxygen tent inside. Everyone had on full white gowns, masks and gloves. I knew I was human, but I didn’t think they were. Things were done to me but no one ever talked with me.

Finally, one day, a red haired nurse asked me: “Are you awake?” I answered “Yes.” Then she asked “Why won’t you open your eyes?” I said “Because, then I won’t be there!” She took off her cap, gown and gloves and picked me up. Then she held me in her arms while she sat at the desk and did paper work. It was the only human touch I had felt in that inhumane land. This was a Catholic Hospital in the 50’s. I desperately wanted caring human contact but my parents were not allowed to see me. My father said later that if he had known then that he had a right to see me, as he knows now, he would have knocked over any doors and nuns who had been in his way. He had grown up an orphan and was aware of the need for human love. As it was, my folks were made to sit on hard backed chairs for days on end and they said later that they acted like good obedient people who followed the nun’s orders.

white Angel When I was finally released from the hospital I found the neighborhood children and told them about what I’d gone through. I remember Terry and his sister both saying in awed voices that they had seen me.

I wish this could have been a “Happily Ever After” ending, but it was not to be. The lack of human affection at this critical point in my life, combined ironically with my being separated from the Unconditional Love of the spiritual realms, caused me for many years to withdraw from people. For at least 10 years I also suffered the effects of the brain damage caused by high fever. I had to relearn how to walk and to talk. At school I experienced taunting and abuse, but I held onto memories of my Angelic encounter and it gave me strength. That encounter was more vivid and real to me than anything I had experienced in this world. I shared it with my sister but then locked it away inside me from everyone else. Eventually I earned my Liberal Arts degree with a Psychology minor. In following years I received my LPN license and went on to work in nursing homes.

By this time I knew that what my Angel had told me was true. I did have things to do. I pushed pills, changed bandages and did reams of paperwork. But most importantly I shared my Angel story on company time. Many times I found people dying alone. I would take their hand and tell them the way it was with me. Those were some of the most blissful moments of my life. The smiles and sighs were music to my heart.

IANDS is a wonderful group for me. It is so exciting to meet people who understand the path I have trod and my purpose, which is to share the Unconditional Love given so freely to this child. I hope that you find inspiration in my words and pass them on.

Candles

This story copyright 1998-2003 by Seattle IANDS, unless otherwise noted.
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